Thoughts

I feel like the whole last month has been full of stretching situations whether it was us eating only whole30 approved food or trying to hang out with a refugee family who doesn't speak the same language as us. I have been in situations that are putting me outside of my comfort zone. I can feel myself being stretched as these situations strip away the facades I put up and I am stripped down to my bare bones. There is no hiding, no pretending that I've got it together when all I can do is hope google translator works and that a family who is lonely and overwhelmed by a new country understands that we are here to help, we are here to be their friends. I can't pretend that I love my salad that tastes like dish soap because yep, I tried to save money by buying the generic soap and couldn't quite get it off the tupperware container. I want that donut, taco or anything for the love of pete that is covered in cheese (Can I get an amen?). But all of these situations show me one thing. I'm not supposed to have it all together. I'm not suppose use food, friends, language, material things or anything else as my comforter. I'm not supposed to find my satisfaction in my situation or what I own but in Jesus. It's not what I do. It's not what I have. It's not what I accomplish. It's what he has already done. (My friend, Kate Brannen wrote a great post on this) If I continue to chase those things, it's always going to be the same result. The same cat-and-mouse game that ends in me never been truly satisfied. Sometimes I think I forget that. I mean, I know I do but sometimes I don't even want to admit that to anyone, let alone myself. So I'm trying to be real. I'm trying to be honest and say I don't have it together and that's okay for now. My coworker told me it's okay not to be okay, it's just not okay to stay there. So here is to running to my creator who knows me better than I know myself and asking for help and relying on him to get me through each day instead of using things around me to help me feel better.